he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
