Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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