so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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