Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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