You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
