last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
