textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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