btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
