I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Pooping to opera.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
