This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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