if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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