you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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