No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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