This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
