i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
