Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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