so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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