3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
