I am puke
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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