Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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