just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
