He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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