i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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