the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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