just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize