i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
