Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
