I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
How's work?
Spinning.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
