YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
