Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
