Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
