she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
