Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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