Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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