My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
