i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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