If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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