Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
