hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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