After last night, I could never be a politician.
Soap is not a condiment
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
