I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize