Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
