Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
