in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
