She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
