Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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