nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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