Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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