I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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