her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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