Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
His nipple licking is glorious
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