I wannas sexs uuuuu
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
