you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
