Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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