dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
