Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
