i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
