i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
