they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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