just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
