walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
