Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
