Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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